094 Restoring Her True Appearance

Under the careful treatment of Xiao Siyi and the devoted care of the Phoenix Residence, Yun Xueyan’s health gradually improved, and color returned to her cheeks.

But Feng Xilou would not allow her out of bed, so she was forced to remain lying in it, wrapped even in the height of summer beneath thick quilts, because Xiao Siyi said she must not catch cold, lest a lasting illness take root.

Feng Xilou insisted on covering her so, leaving no room for protest.

Yun Xueyan stared fixedly at one point, as if lost in thought, a complicated expression flickering in her eyes.

When she heard Feng Xilou return from the morning court, her lashes trembled and she closed her eyes, waiting for him to come in. He had already skipped several days of court because of her.

"Yan'er, awake?" he said with a smile as he sat down slowly. Looking at her improved complexion, Feng Xilou finally let out a breath he had been holding.

She gave a slight nod, but did not open her eyes. She... did not dare meet his gaze.

"Xilou." With her eyes still closed, Yun Xueyan called to him softly. Feeling his eyes on her, she drew a deep breath before speaking. "Please help me wash away the White Lotus on my face. I... no longer want to keep it."

The White Lotus had given her a lovely face and hidden her scars, but now she no longer wanted to bury those scars. She wanted to face them.

Feng Xilou stood frozen, his narrow phoenix eyes slightly narrowed as he asked, "Yan'er, why would you want to do this?"

"Please, Xilou. Take it away for me. I beg you."

Her voice was full of desolation, as though she were powerless to resist the fate laid out before her.

Since it had been given to her, she would keep it in her heart, including everything Duan Nanyu had done to her.

He had burned away every hope within her.

If... she had not had this face, perhaps Duan Nanyu would never have spared her a single glance. Perhaps none of this would have happened.

She would still be that ridiculed, despised maid, living her own life, able to make Duan Nanyu recoil and loathe her with the scar on her face, needing never to endure his closeness.

She did not blame Feng Xilou. He had meant well; she understood that. Only, everything had shifted from a wrong turn made in ignorance into irreparable harm.

Love? Hate? She could not find where her heart belonged. She hated Duan Nanyu, hated him so deeply she wanted to gnaw him to the bone, yet she knew such hatred existed only because he had taken root in her heart.

A cold smile touched her lips. She had once still dared to hope that everything might change, but what remained in the end was only unbearable cruelty and pain.

Stunned by Yun Xueyan's choked pleas, Feng Xilou finally realized that her joy had become his joy, and her pain... had also become his pain.

Perhaps even more so than her own.

"Xilou..." Receiving no answer, Yun Xueyan opened her eyes. Her clear gaze was brimful of tears, and the sight stabbed at Feng Xilou's heart.

He understood. He had understood...

"I agree to it, but you must promise me one thing as well." Lowering his eyes, Feng Xilou gazed deeply at Yun Xueyan, and the thick warmth of his feelings reflected in her pupils.

It made her hastily turn her face away.

She was grateful that he had saved her, but she was unworthy of him. She could not allow his reputation to be ruined because of her.

"What is it?"

"Stay by my side."

Yun Xueyan froze. After a few light blinks, she said, "If I can, I will."

"Then I will help you..." Turning away, he walked to the cabinet not far off, took out the medicinal liquid inside, and returned to the bedside. "It will be over very soon."

"Mm." She closed her eyes and let Feng Xilou gently wipe it away from her face.