093 At Last, Awakening

When she opened her eyes, she stared at the canopy above the bed, her gaze hollow and unfocused, without the faintest trace of life.

Yun Xueyan lay there in a daze, too drained to struggle at all. Her child had left her just like that, and she could only watch helplessly as he was cruelly snuffed out.

Her lips moved faintly, her mind filled with the unborn infant.

“My child... my child...”

She kept whispering over and over, rigid and motionless upon the bed.

Feng Xilou came in from outside carrying a bowl of medicine. Hearing her voice, his hand trembled in anguish, and the scalding liquid spilled over his skin in a vivid red splash.

As if he felt nothing at all, Feng Xilou hurried to the bedside.

The person before him had weakly opened her eyes, yet nothing could enter them, as though a veil of mist had settled there, unable to disperse, lingering in her gaze and swallowing every shred of hope.

His heart ached beyond words. Looking at Yun Xueyan lying on the bed, she seemed no more than an empty shell.

“Yan’er...” he called softly, but received no response.

“Take your medicine, Yan’er.” He brought the bowl to her lips. Yun Xueyan opened her mouth mechanically, taking the medicine in but not swallowing.

She could not swallow it. Her heart was already bitter enough.

Her body and soul were both exhausted. Medicine could not heal her. She was truly in pain, in pain everywhere; even breathing filled her with unbearable suffering.

Feng Xilou turned his face away, unable to bear looking at her. He lifted his head and drew in a deep breath, refusing to let his tears fall, though his eyes had already reddened and the hand holding the bowl was trembling.

He looked at her, and his heart nearly shattered.

“Yan’er!” he cried out in anguish, no longer able to hold himself back. He could not bear it any longer. What was he to do with her like this? “The child is gone! But you have to live on, and live well. There are still so many who care about you. If you keep going on like this... what am I supposed to do?”

His voice dropped abruptly, and Feng Xilou rose to set the medicine aside.

When he returned to the bedside, Yun Xueyan had already swallowed the medicine in her mouth. Her eyes were slowly gathering focus as well. Her long lashes were wet with crystalline tears, and her throat was dry and hoarse with endless grief.

“Where is the child?”

His body gave a sudden jolt. Feng Xilou lowered his voice. “He has been buried. I arranged everything properly for him.”

He sat down by the bed and looked at the tears sliding from the corner of her eyes. His heart was sour with pain, yet also relieved. She had finally awakened. After two days of unconsciousness, she had at last returned. He had kept watch over her for two days, scarcely leaving her side except to fetch medicine, afraid of any mishap.

Slowly, she raised her arm. Her fingers trembled as they reached toward Feng Xilou’s face. The Feng Xilou in her memory had always worn a faint, serene smile, but that smile was gone now, replaced by sorrow so deep it seemed to wound the soul.

His handsome jaw was covered in stubble, his dark eyes bloodshot, a few strands of hair fallen loose across his brow. He looked suddenly far more weathered and worn.

Following her movement, he leaned his face into her hand, letting her slender fingers brush across his skin. The pain in his heart surged even more violently.

“I’m sorry...” She paused, then slowly trembled, stifling her sobs, but in the next instant she could no longer hold them back and broke into loud, heartbreaking cries. “Xilou, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

He reached out to wipe away the tears coursing down her pale face. A faint smile curved at the corner of his mouth. “It’s all right, Yan’er. Cry if you need to. Once you’ve cried it out, it won’t hurt so much.”

Her crying only grew louder. Yun Xueyan could no longer care about anything else. She was in too much pain; she needed to let it out, or else she would be torn apart by it alive.

When she had cried herself exhausted and fallen asleep, Feng Xilou tucked the blanket around her and stood. A layer of cold frost settled over his once-gentle eyes.

He... would keep her by his side.

A note to readers:

Today there will be four updates; the fourth is a bonus update in thanks for Buggy Treasure’s long review.