098 A Strong Desire for Change

Chen Yage grew anxious.

The closeness between You Huan and her needed no explanation. She already owed him several lives. As for Qing Mei, though they had not known each other long, over this past month they had treated each other with complete sincerity, and she had long since taken her as a sworn sister.

"I'll take care of finding Qing Mei," said Du Fu. "I only hope she has already learned where your friend is."

"Do you mean to go down the mountain?" Chen Yage stared at him in alarm. In the present circumstances, stepping out of this nunnery meant danger. If they went down the mountain, would that not only make things worse?

Du Fu smiled with easy composure. "As you said, how many dangers have we already met along the way? If fear keeps us from doing anything at all, all that remains is endless remorse and regret."

Li Bai added, "There is no need to go down the mountain. Those soldiers will not stop searching just because one or two people have escaped. They will certainly come up the mountain as planned. If You Huan has been captured, they will bring him up with them. As for Qing Mei, if she cannot find either You Huan or you, she will return to the group and come up with them as well."

Chen Yage nodded. Du Fu also agreed wholeheartedly with Li Bai.

After a long while, there was no more sound outside. The whole world seemed to have fallen silent. Only the wind stirred the leaves, making a faint rustling.

"They should all be gone," Chen Yage whispered, pressing her ear to the door and listening intently.

Yu Zhen entered from outside. The moment she pushed open the vermilion carved door, Chen Yage lost her balance and fell heavily to the floor. She was just about to curse when she looked up and saw that it was Yu Zhen. The fury that had risen in her chest instantly sank back down, and she forced a smile.

"So it's you, Master Yu Zhen." Chen Yage gave an awkward laugh. "Has something happened outside?"

Though she already knew the answer, she asked anyway. Yu Zhen hesitated, then smiled and said, "Just a small matter. A few of the people sent to work on the palace fled. The soldiers were worried the nunnery might be disturbed, so they came to ask about the situation. They have all left now."

"Then you..." Chen Yage almost asked whether Yu Zhen had said anything, but stopped herself. If anything had truly been revealed, how could the three of them still be standing here unharmed? They would already have been dragged away by the soldiers.

She changed the subject at once. "Then you didn't notice anyone suspicious in the nunnery?"

Yu Zhen smiled and shook her head.

From a higher place, one could see farther. Even the moon seemed a little rounder tonight.

In the stillness of the night, Chen Yage tossed and turned, unable to sleep in the end. She went to Li Bai's room. Just as she was about to push the door open, she heard a sigh from within. Then came his soft recitation:

"Before my bed, the moonlight glows,
Like frost upon the ground below.
I lift my head and gaze at the moon,
Then bow it, thinking of home."

Chen Yage froze with her hand suspended in the air. After a moment, she knocked.

"Brother Bai, it's me. Are you asleep?"

"Come in."

At his permission, she entered. The room was not as dark as she had imagined. Instead, moonlight streamed through the window and lit Li Bai's bed just enough to make the outlines of everything clear. Chen Yage walked over carefully and sat down beside him.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" she asked, leaning against his shoulder.

"Missing home?" Li Bai asked softly, his fingers brushing the hair at her temple. "Don't you miss yours?"

Chen Yage straightened. "But my home is very far away. I miss it, and yet I don't want to go back."

"What are you talking about?" Li Bai asked, puzzled.

Chen Yage felt it was time to tell him her secret. She no longer wanted to keep it buried in her heart for the rest of her life. She did not want to live so wearily, and she did not want to deceive Li Bai.

"Going home would mean leaving you. Leaving you forever. I don't want that. I never will."

"Yage, where exactly is your home? Is it very far from here? If you want to go back, I can go with you. I won't let you leave me like this." Li Bai gathered her into his arms and looked up at the pale moonlight. Her words had stirred a trace of fear in his heart. He did not understand why she would say such things, and an unaccountable unease had begun to settle over him.

"Brother Bai," Chen Yage said, "have you ever thought of entering official service?"

"Of course," he replied with a smile. "To serve the court and benefit the people has always been my greatest ambition. Why do you ask that all of a sudden?"

Chen Yage fell silent. She laughed at herself for being so sad, for wanting to change his mind, to alter history itself. A bitter smile touched her lips.

"If one day, because of certain things, would you abandon me for glory and wealth?"

Li Bai's voice hardened with disappointment. "Is that what you think of me? I, Li Bai, have wandered the world, traveled across every corner of the land, crossed countless famous mountains. If I were merely a man who cared for wealth and rank, why would I have roamed so far, and why would I have turned away from the riches of my own home?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." Chen Yage clung to him tightly. "I'm afraid. I'm afraid. I don't know why, but I keep having a bad feeling. I'm afraid you will leave me. If that is going to happen, I'd rather let go sooner, before it hurts too much. Brother Bai, promise me you will never leave me, all right?"

Li Bai suddenly lifted her chin and kissed her deeply.

Chen Yage was kissed until she could hardly breathe. Only after a long while did he finally give her a chance to draw breath.

He let her go, but Chen Yage took the initiative, meeting his sensual, softened lips. The two of them kissed one another deeply, pouring out all their tenderness and all their strength. Slowly, Li Bai undid her clothing, revealing the pale silver undergarment beneath. He stroked her slightly darkened face and looked into her bright, dark eyes, then asked in a low, magnetic voice, "Are you afraid?"

Chen Yage had never known the ways of love between man and woman. She was tense, but not afraid. Slowly, she loosened the ties of her undergarment, baring her flawless body, and then reached out to untie Li Bai's clothing as well. She whispered in his ear, "As long as you are by my side, I am not afraid of anything."

That night, they gave themselves to one another, body to body, heart to heart. Their passion surged and subsided like waves, their love expressed through every tender motion. The moonlight pouring across the window bore witness to their devotion, bearing silent proof that love was truly there.

"Brother Bai..."

At dawn the next morning, the first light broke through the window and brightened the room in a hazy glow. Lying in Li Bai's arms, Chen Yage called to him softly.

He held her close. Chen Yage smiled and said, "It's nothing. I just want to call you that."

"All right. Call, and I will answer. For as long as you call, I will answer."

Li Bai's gentle voice was rich with warmth, and Chen Yage felt as though she might drown in it, unable to pull herself free.

"If I were to call you like this for a lifetime?" Chen Yage's fingers moved restlessly across his chest.

Li Bai caught her hand. "Then I will answer you for a lifetime."