Chapter 21: Where Did It Go Wrong?

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Her words, “That’s about enough,” abruptly snapped me awake, and I dropped the deformed plastic stool I had been smashing. I felt Xiao Wen’s anger radiate toward me, and I became acutely aware of my own loss of composure. What did I look like just now? A petty tyrant abusing power? A madman? I bent down to help Brother Xing to his feet, pulled out a cigarette and handed it to him, then lit it for him.

Brother Xing was quite a character himself. Taking a deep drag, he said, “Brother, have you cooled off now?” I looked at him and then scanned the group he had brought along—Dahua and the others. The looks in their eyes were complicated. In the underworld, face is everything. A big brother needs face to make money, to command loyalty from his followers. The little brothers boast about their big brother’s power; the more formidable the big brother, the prouder they feel. In those days, countless big brothers lost their lives over face, and many little brothers met tragic ends on the streets—all too common.

Brother Xing had backed down because of Uncle Yong, trying to keep me from retaliating. Face was lost. His followers’ complicated gazes probably meant they had already begun to look down on their big brother. I asked him, and he gave a bitter smile: “It’ll definitely be difficult. If word gets out, people will laugh us out of the city. It’s hard to reclaim lost face, but I know which is more important—face or life. I’ve heard of Uncle Yong and know what happens to those who offend him.”

“I owe you one. When the time is right, we’ll go visit Uncle Yong together for tea.” I patted his shoulder and said. Brother Xing nodded, “For that, I’m keeping you as a friend. Brother, here’s my card. Call me if you need anything.”

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I took the card and walked over to Old Hai to thank him. Old Hai waved it off, “Don’t mention it. I have to give face to Uncle Yong.” The fight ultimately ended with Brother Xing settling things—he compensated Old Hai six hundred yuan for the damaged tables and chairs. From being beaten to turning the tables, my cousin Chen Jianjun and his friends watched in stunned silence. But at that moment, I had no heart or time to boast in front of them; my mind was in turmoil.

Because of that look Xiao Wen gave me as she left—filled with nothing but disappointment. Thinking of that glance drained nearly all my strength. I chased after her, running with all my might. Finally, I caught up at the intersection ahead.

Panting, I blocked her way and said, “I was wrong. This is the first and last time.” She gave me a faint glance and asked, “Wrong about what?”

I scratched my head, “He came to me to make peace out of respect for Uncle Yong. My every word and action represented Uncle Yong. What I did was like a bully abusing power.”

Xiao Wen snorted and kept walking. I mustered my courage and grabbed her arm, but she shrugged me off sharply. I called after her, “Sister Wen, I know I was wrong. Please give me a chance. I lost control because that scene suddenly reminded me of some unbearable memories—like a reflex, I mistook Brother Xing for the man who drove me and my father into a dead end. Please, just one chance.”

She stopped, turned, and leaned against the wall. Her long hair veiled half her face, and under the dim streetlight, she looked breathtakingly beautiful. Calmly, she said, “You really disappointed me just now. I’m not disappointed you got knocked down or that you recklessly fought under Uncle Yong’s banner. What disappoints me is that you came close to utter ruin. Tell me—if I hadn’t asked Old Hai to intervene, would the broken bottle you gripped have pierced Dahua’s neck? Don’t try to fool me. Your movements and eyes might deceive others, but not me.”

I took a deep breath and nodded. “I did think about it. Looking back, it was childish. I don’t want to lose face in front of you or my friends. Every man cares about his pride.”

She sneered, “Face? Zhang Zhicheng, I don’t know what you’ve been through or what you learned from that book you think can change fate itself. Maybe you think your reckless behavior is heroic, but to me, it’s sheer folly. If you had stabbed Dahua, your so-called friends would end up in prison. Uncle Yong’s slight favor isn’t enough for him to clean up such a mess for you. You might be executed. Your grieving parents would be heartbroken, helplessly rushing over just to collect your body. You’d be buried in a muddy field full of weeds. No one would remember you except your parents.”

“Enough, Sister Wen. I know I was wrong. Please, don’t say anymore.” I pleaded.

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Her words instantly sobered me from the faint buzz of alcohol. Dahua’s knife hadn’t frightened me just now, but her words drenched me in cold sweat. I had no strength left to argue because she spoke the truth. I hated others mentioning my parents, and I hated to admit that her words struck my deepest fear—that they might drain my courage.

She smiled faintly, “That was your first and most fatal mistake. Your second mistake is not understanding your own position. This afternoon, you fought Dahua single-handedly against six, the fight fierce and ruthless. Beyond your pride, I think you wanted to catch someone’s eye with your desperate bravery, hoping to find a benefactor or to show others your ferocity to expand your influence. That’s not wrong.”

“But you have succeeded. You caught Uncle Yong’s attention and, with your old underworld skills, sparked his interest. He even showed up at your gathering. You don’t realize that in just a few hours, Zhang Zhicheng, you’ve crossed a major threshold in life. Now you need to consider what Uncle Yong wants you to do, how to earn his fullest support, and how to quickly reach the heights and abilities he envisions for you—not just resorting to fighting brutal battles.”

“Do you think Uncle Yong needs a reckless hothead who kills without thought? Believe it or not, in this tangled place, Uncle Yong can pay thousands for someone to die for him, and with twenty thousand, Dahua and his so-called Brother Xing would be torn apart by morning! If Uncle Yong knew you were just a petty thug using his name to bully others, he’d lose interest immediately. You’d lose the lucky chance you’ve been given. How many chances like this will you get?”

Her words pierced my heart. While I fought, I had no idea what she was thinking sitting there. Now I do. If she hadn’t said these things, I might never have grasped their true meaning. I was still worrying that tonight’s defeat and bravado would disappoint Uncle Yong. In truth, it was quite the opposite. I almost dragged myself back to square one, losing everything this “luck” had given me.